To all the letters to self Old and new

You knew you’ll never make the cut Despite being a treasure trove of all things that really matter

Every time you see reality panning out differently than the manuscript You only squirm a little in that tightly sealed envelope of yours

You probably find a wiggle room and try to push for the truth you stand for It must be devastating to never win

You must have a weave of your own voices Tired of being stifled all the time

Every word uttered must be a revelation A story veiled behind and buried under fascinating made-up ‘facts’

To all the letters to self Old and new

You are acknowledged for bearing with the endless saga of trust and betrayal Something we consciously partake in only to always remain oblivious of

You stand for a lost opportunity to understand the true self Since surfaces are dreary and only present with the idealized versions of self

You pass these tests of dignity with great aplomb Continuing with life, unburdened with the past happenstances

To all the letters to self Old and new, if only I could learn the art of this trade for accord and discord, alike!

#MindlessMusings

(Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash)

A rosy picture from the outside, But nothing more than a bed of thorns.

A few moments of happiness, Amidst a downpour of gloomy moments.

It lures you with irresistible temptations. Before you realise, it turns out to be just another bait.

Constantly living on tenterhooks in anticipation of what would unfold next, It amazes you with something least expected.

The moment you gain confidence and a sense of control, It thrashes your poise and brings you downwind to where you started.

This ultimate driving and a binding force called 'life', Inveigles us with guile. Traps us till the last breath, And laughs deceptively on our inability to understand the very purpose of being.

It dawns on me – The quest for life, the pursuit of happiness, the endeavor to find peace, Lead to nothing but to reasons for further dissatisfaction, dismay and sorrow.

Why we live our present in oblivion, despite of having full control of it, And delve into our past to make futile attempts of mending what was.

As I made a silent promise to myself, Of living in the very moment I smile on my ephemeral promise, Because the very next moment, I find myself brooding over the same rhetorical mystery which pushes me deeper into the cobweb.

#MindlessMusings

Every Night Stroller's Dream

I, for one, am a huge fan of post-dinner walks.

Taking a long walk, breathing in clean air (whatever is left in our cities), soaking in the day's occurrences and briefly sulking for what could have been is my way of blowing off steam and going to bed with a clear mind.

It's that part of my day which is cathartic by all means – irrespective of who am I taking that walk with! It's that time of the day when the city is laid bare in front of my eyes. I finally get to see the 'human', softer side of the city – vulnerable and calm at the same time.

The night is much less profane than the day, giving our mind ample wriggle space to think about things that we truly hold close to us. The somewhat deserted roads, shadows of the street lights, the occasional howling of the dogs – all this and more, together, put up a landscape that makes you live in that moment. For a pensive walker like me, just the soft moonlight does the trick of transporting me to someplace where 'I' can 'be'.

In my 30-minute walking ritual, I live a fleeting but totally thrilling solitude.

Although I feel alive in the day, with all the agglomerative forces in full throttle and the complete chaos of coexistence, it's during these walks that I 'really' feel like 'living' and not just 'existing'. Another thing that I cherish about these walks is bickering and snickering with my husband. It's another thing that we spend almost all our time together, but there's something of an edge to our conversations while taking a stroll on our terrace.

During the lockdown, I have come to enjoy this time of my day even more. Those 30 minutes translate to a conglomeration of mirror moments – I assess what I see in the mirror and reflect on how can I make what I see look more soulful and course-correct if needed.

More or less, I like to think of these walks as a coping mechanism – a booster shot that lets me start my next day as a clean slate, without a piece of overwhelming baggage. It's difficult to decide though – whether I possess the time in that duration or the passing seconds possess me?

#MindlessMusings

A story within a story, further laying seeds for the next.

The deeper you go, a new one springs from a master story, narrating the bygone times and tales.

Where the past eddies around us, and the present becomes distant.

Once a cliffhanger, now meticulously adds to the eventuality.

A nexus between the manifestations of our mind and the memories we have lived, each leaves us with a lesson — bitter or sweet.

Each revisit unravels an aspect that we never fathomed or inadvertently overlooked.

Do the stories create us or do we create them?

Do the stories live in us or we live in them?

Do the stories make mortals, immortal?

While we rummage through the stories in the quest of serendipitously finding something, it might as well be life’s just another way of ensnaring us in its labyrinths!

#MindlessMusings

A story within a story, further laying seeds for the next.

The deeper you go, a new one springs from a master story, narrating the bygone times and tales.

Where the past eddies around us, and the present becomes distant.

Once a cliffhanger, now meticulously adds to the eventuality.

A nexus between the manifestations of our mind and the memories we have lived, each leaves us with a lesson — bitter or sweet.

Each revisit unravels an aspect that we never fathomed or inadvertently overlooked.

Do the stories create us or do we create them?

Do the stories live in us or we live in them?

Do the stories make mortals, immortal?

While we rummage through the stories in the quest of serendipitously finding something, it might as well be life’s just another way of ensnaring us in its labyrinths!

#MindlessMusings

Lost more than ever, In our attempts to not feel lost ever.

There are trends and fads. And then there is the fabled road less traveled that nags.

Trends look cliched, yet enticing. The unconventional looks promising but frightening.

Torn between following the heart and the urge to belong. The mind plays games and stretches till it can prolong.

Overcome by a fear to be left alone. We end up in a crowd with all our hopes forlorn.

It’s either here or there, But the yawning gap between the ‘being’ and the ‘want to be’ becomes a nightmare.

We start associating with things and people to set ourselves free, Only to later realise that disassociating was the key.

If at all we strive to find out more of who we are, The superficialities and pretenses will be freed at the earliest hour.

The tussle between what to do and how to be will cease to exist, And the true self will persist.

#MindlessMusings

After a long while, I had nowhere to be. I was free from the abiding clamor of my routine.

After a long while, I had no rush to reach conclusive decisions. I could hear my mind thinking.

After a long while, The deep-rooted longings were no more lurking on the fringes of my mind. I could foresee them taking formidable shapes in the plausible future.

After a long while, I wasn’t crying to take out my pent up frustration stemming from a myriad of reasons. I was crying my heart out because I could put a pin to what was in my heart.

After a long while, It wasn’t just about the next thing on my to-do and the ensuing chase. It was about what to do next that will satiate my heart.

After a long while, It wasn’t the pursuit of winning, no matter what. It was about realizing that the true victory lies in the gracious acceptance of my vulnerabilities.

After a long while, The ticking of a clock was more than an alarm of the passing time. The clock stood as a humble reminder of how much I had to feel grateful for each second.

After a long while, I wasn't just dwelling on my feelings, ranging on a spectrum of fear to anxiety. Hope had finally reared its head.

After a long while, The sharp vicissitudes of the world around were not driving me up the wall. Giving way to appreciating even the tiniest reasons for my happiness.

After a long while, I felt like my own self had taken over. After a really long while!

#MindlessMusings