again, i stare at the ceiling feeling plain thinking about nothing, just silence
the clock ticks, giving a sign that time is still running as fast as magician playing a trick
my breath, is the only sound i can hear tonight just like that, my night slides away
—
og date: 200811
wah... it's been 10 days since my last post. and it was just a photo haha.. how's life? mine is awful.
i've been trying to understand people, especially the closest ones. but seems like no one understand me, or at least try to. i don't know why people around me keep pointing their fingers at my business, my matters, my life.
“do this” “do that” “this is for the best” “stop over thinking! you should endure this” “they know what's the best for you obviously” “you should've been grateful tho” “shouldn't you do that instead?”
wait, no? my head feels like gonna explode, too much controlling! but guess what?
i always lost the debate, lost on emphasizing my opinion. hahahahaha...... ha.... so yeah, i don't know anymore. i can't write a poem, i can't take a single photo, i'm sleepless due to stress. sigh....
whoever read this, i hope you have a nice day. i hope you be happy even for the smallest thing. i wish for myself too, of course. fighting!
rather than asking why, i should find the answer of how i should've not run in a circle of why this, why that i should stop myself from blaming anything, or worse my own self
isn't it better to figure out how to resolve this to calm down the noises in head to find myself again
if i do that, isn't everything gonna be okay again?
—
this thought about why or how, i got it from my friend's story. she's in the midst of finding an answer to her problem. when i suggested her to write down everything she wanna tell from her heart and mind, suddenly she said “i should've looked for the answer of how to solve this rather than asked why did they do that to me”. welp, it hit me hard. so, i thanked her for reminding me too. she's right, it will be much better if we ask ourselves how to this and how to that, to get out from the problem. asking why is good too, but sometimes... “why” itself can lead us to be overthinking and ends up we blaming ourselvesㅡ which is not good, eh. we just run in a circle with no exit door. so, yeah. have a good day, everyone! hope you find your problem solving~
illustrated by: me
life, like a wrinkled cloth once you pull out the thread carelessly it's gonna shrink more
but, if you find the entanglement of the thread and straighten it carefully the cloth will be neat as before
—
will my name be forgotten like how i forget their names imagine your name, your existence vanish from people's memories, one day
scary, yet a relief want people to remember me but i hate them to know me
selfish selfish selfish just an inherently destructive behaviour for being 'human', or not
— illustrated by: me
either you get lost or you're sailing out to space to catch a star or two
you stare at lives from far but slowly losing ground to unknown place makin' an illusion in unconquerable void
hey lost astronaut, here us, the yacht in this endless space come here and let's find your way back home
all the trust and faith have been regained and sadness dies before you feel the cold your sights begin to see the light
you did great something i always wanna say to you, so welcome home, O brave
—
for someone who always assures us that we're not alone, 박제형, you are not alone too. so here, welcome home
illustrated by: me
I became good at pretending. I became so good that after a while the lines blurred between my truth and fiction. And sometimes, when I did a really good job of pretending, I even fooled myself.
— Ruta Sepetys
Bali, Indonesia
