Insight into mental illness.

Today I my wife and I gave to those who suffer the loss or struggle with Cancer. In honor of my Grandmother Inez Bravo and my wife's uncle Julio Navarro. Rest in peace.


Halting Progress

Today is July 20th and it's 9:22 p.m. It's been a hard couple weeks and I've damn near stretched myself beyond my means. Work started great yet a curve ball came out of no where as per usual. In the form of a sudden schedule change. Normally I was given Fridays off but then suddenly it was switched to wednesday. Only problem is work week went from six days to eight day work week stretch. From Thursday July 1st until Thursday July 8th. Then the following work week went from a six day work week to a seven day work week. From Saturday July 10th until July 16th. So my only days of were on Wednesday June 30th, Friday July 9th, and Saturday July 17th. Only 3 days of rest and 20 work days. That was by confusion, for I scheduled the wrong day due to lack of rest and physical exhaustion. After a week like that the days become indistinguishable and become a blur. 1 day in between is not enough, or so it feels like. Anyone who has worked split shift knows that after the fifth or sixed day you become dependant on muscle memory because you miss little details that a well rested normally wouldn't. This being my first month and not having a full knowledge on procedures on this dairy farm. Of coarse tragedy happened. Yet I was held responsible and I seriously tried to ask for assistance yet none came in time. Since then things worse. For example machinery and equipment failing. Constant struggle with rebellious aggressive cows that are not happy if there is no grain. For will not walk nor respond without it. And I strictly don't hit the cows PERIOD. It's very frustrating. Very overwhelming and physically taxing. Lack of sleep due to the stress as well the concern of losing this lovely home caused me to lose sleep and depend on caffeine and energy drinks. I try to get flow of things as quick as possible yet to no avail. I'm started to wonder if employees focus on my personality attributes instead of my accomplishments for the information that I gathered from the owners and relayed by the employees from the owners is not the same. Although management has not been kind to my situation. So lack of rest and understanding has left in a state of high alert which causes me to become as aware of my surroundings as I can possibly be. Not only that but I've noticed a lot of behavior towards me. So I finally somewhat snapped. I informed management of the situation of my lack resources that are usually. Now that damage control by any means necessary. All since I've informed all management of my mental illness. I've felt as if I neglected and treated unfairly. Everything that could go, has gone wrong only worsening my mood and situation. Very unfair. Well today things seemed to have an upside. I'm sure now that a single employee is behind it all. Due to the fact that said employee has been asking peculiar questions, mostly about narcotics that completely irrelevant to our current conversation. I also feel as if it is all due to this beautiful home that we have been blessed with. As if I am undeserving when in reality I work my ass of to maintain. So this short but sweet and straight to the point paragraph just to ease my mind to rest. Hope all goes well and again thank you God in the name the name of Jesus Christ for continuing to give me strength nth to triumph over any obstacle the UnWorthy One has set forth in my wife's and I path in order to remain vigilant on the road to Righteousness in strive for progress for those who have no ill will towards anyone, for we are the ones who suffer the most in this world yet we can and will become the strongest through a righteous cause if God see's fit. Mind over body, Soul over Mind, Heart over all.



CBC (🧀)

This donation to Milagro foundation is in Honor Of My Grandma Inez Bravo. The first person in my life that I could run to if I ever needed saving or protection. Used to defend me from anyone. Especially my mother. God Bless you Grandma. My first role model. Stern Gangster ass Lady.


This is a picture of her throwing me a birthday party when the whole manipulative illusion of a caring mother was being put on display for the camera. Before I realized what tormented me my whole life.


I am now revealing the true nature of my mothers lack of empathy. For a son she never wanted which caused her to be neglectful in ways a true mother would never allow.

This a video of my mothers and I conversation on messenger the day I remembered my repressed memory and went to the ER because the memory was so traumatizing to me that I literally went into shock.


Insight Into Mental Illness

Today is June 6th and it is 7:29 p.m and it is a beautiful sunny day. There is a drought were I now reside in my new place of residence. This is by far the most beautiful peaceful house I have ever had the pleasure of living in. My wife loves it. To top it off we are surrounded by the most gorgeous scenery. Best way of describing it is heaven on Earth. I get to do what I enjoy which is milking cows on a %100 organic free range dairy farm. They are very kind and humane to the cows here. Out of all the dairy farms I've ever worked on this is by far the best I have ever seen. I have truly been blessed by God. So now I thank God in the name of Jesus Christ for giving my wife and I the strength to triumph over any obstacle the unworthy, mud dragger has set forth in our path our whole lives in order to remain Vigilant on the road to Righteousness in the Strive for progress for all that have no ill will towards anyone. For we are the ones who suffer the most in this world yet we are the ones who become the strongest.AMEN. Mind over Body, Soul over Mind, Heart Over All.


Insight into Mental Illness

Today is Tuesday the 25th and it's 3:51 a.m. It was a positive day now that all is well in the universe. I'm excited and optimistic. I found a true form of forgiveness. Without the meds. I've realized that my struggle has come to an end and it is time to move to a better life. You must become a survivor. Come to the realization that no one can make you feel upset unless you allow them to. Get therapy. Also surrender yourself to God. Try to learn how to become more positive in the way you can cope. For depression coping method is being grateful for anything and everything. For anger coping is false expectations for that is the only reason someone gets upset. For self esteem coping method is haircut and shave or for the ladies make over or manicure and a new outfit including shoes. For anxiety coping method is focusing on your breathing which dictates the pace mind. Thought process if you will. And use it in a form of studying something that interests you. Also set objectives in a check list both small or complex and begin accomplishing them. Once you get a taste of sense of accomplishment. You will begin to chase it for it will help you become motivated. Start small and work your way up to complex. And for fear coping method is surrender yourself completely to a higher power. For negativity coping method is as this “if you surround yourself with positive intelligent people. Good things will happen”. Further most you must introduce discipline in different forms. After the first form, the next will become much easier. I Hope this helps. This blog is meant to show people that there can be happy endings to a terrible beginning. If my life can inspire despite my disadvantages of diplomatic status and multiple traumas with my wife of 18 years by my side. Then my purpose in this Earth has been fulfilled. The book of Job in real life. So of course all Glory goes to God in the name of Jesus Christ for giving me the strength and guidance for triumphing over all the obstacles my trauma has caused over the years in order to remain Vigilant on the road to Righteousness in the strive for Progress for all who have no ill will towards anyone. For we are the ones who struggle and suffer the most yet we are the ones who become the strongest. AMEN. I quote from the bible “ Did I not tell you to have courage?Did I not tell you to have strength? Did I not tell you to do the moral right thing?” It's in that order for a reason. Courage will lead to Strength which leads to the right moral standpoint. Despite your lack of understanding. If you are a good person at heart with a good conscious then you will be alright. No matter what trauma you have suffered. Remember MIND over BODY, SOUL over MIND, HEART OVER ALL! If you are weak at heart this cold world will surely corrupt you. Love will always shed any disbelief.

Trauma Clouds Judgement, Perception, and ability to ask for Help.

Definition Of Intrusive?

Today is May 4th and it 3:38p.m. Its a very intrusive day. That is my current perception my trauma still clouds my judgement. Constantly being questioned, PERIOD caused me to become incredibly irritable. Worse part is, my wife gets the worst of it because of her being used as a way of relaying information between myself and others. Actually compromising  her progress. Allot trauma clouding her judgement as well. The fact that she doesn't have any realization There in lies the dilema. She never asks herself why? Someone or something always in the way halting progress in the name of vanity. That is true. In the name of vanity. I never realized that I perceive intrusion in different forms or manor. I tend to perceive intrusion in an unconventional manor. I tend to put it under a microscope , magnify X100, and focus, focus, focus. Never realized I did that. So how do cease with this behavior. That is  just how much my trauma still clouds my judgement. Whether I realize it or not at the time. I believe ones sub conscience is thier right, sound mind trapped beneath layers of trauma trying to break threw. My subconscious is different. It picks up everything, even if I don't catch it at the time. I have the gift of connecting memory recall with emotion. Didn't even realize that existed until I watched a video about Jim Quick, the guy with the broken brain. Ive been doing it my whole life never realizing it. All the Bravos side of my family are all intelligent. My aunt is a teacher. Cousin graduated from Santa Barbera, Cousin Ruben from University of Guadalajara, Cousin Joel is a Software engineer, cousin Eric is an a business man, and Marcela I believe went to College. So it runs in my blood. The Castillo side is where the mental illness originated from. My Grandfather was an alcoholic who was known to cheat on my grandma. He moved in with his girlfriend a month after she passed away from breast cancer. R.I.P “Ines Bravo”. She was my first role modal. Ever! My Grandmother was very stern, and was very strong in character. No flaws in character. She was the first to come to my aid. The first one I was able to run if I felt I needed protection. Even from my mother and step father. My grandma used to strike my mother when I was being abused in any manor. Very honorable woman. Only thing is I can't seem to remember ever seeing her smile. Anyways back to grandpa, On his way home from the bar he used to claim that he would see types of farm animals with fire coming out thier nose and glowing red eyes. I believe that is where it transfered to my mother. Which then transferred to all of us. Me, my sister, my brother despite having different fathers. That is what I am piecing together my family tree. For genetic genome purposes in my new theory of evolution. Now my reason for despising Intrusion was unknown to me until recent epiphany. Now this is my definition of my perception of the meaning of intrusion. Treason, Espionage, Betrayal, Untrust worthy, Violation, Trespassing, Conspiring, Being Deceitful, Manipulation. Collection of information for future benefit of a hidden agenda, Stealing someones most private thoughts. That is just how much my trauma still clouds my judgement. This is a new twist in what is the labyrinth that is my life and mind Always something new to which catches me off guard. I have now learned I must focus on what I know to be true. MIND over BODY, SOUL over MIND, HEART OVER ALL! THE RAIN FALLS ON THE JUST AND UNJUST ALIKE. Its who you are and what you decide to harness that sets you apart. Cause and Effect. Reaction to actions. Perfect example. The reaction to Jesus Christ, Book of Job, and San Benito the Hermit saint, all thier actions are still influencing me to this day. That's how powerful they're actions were. And that's how powerful my actions must be. Always in the name of Others that have no ill will towards anyone for they suffer the most in this world. Because they are prayed upon by tyrants. No one does the moral right thing these days. Society Conventional standards is different from civilization. Civilized mentality doesn't fit in society. Because in society someone is always pulling the strings. Yet in civilization everyone must be civil in a civilized state of mind. Thinking of each others interests and not our own. Well this is another look into my mind, psyche, soul, life, and experiences. So now I give thanks to God in the name of Jesus Christ for giving me the courage for triumphing over any obstacle the mud dragger has set forth in my path today in Order to remain Vigilant on the road to Righteousness in the strive for Progress for all who have no ill will towards anyone for they are the ones who suffer the most in this life. AMEN. In the everyday battle. In the ultimate war of living a fully successful life. For that is exactly how it is for those who's mind has been labeled “ill”. Anyone who's mind is labeled ill is nothing more then someone who's suffered so much that it activated their self defence mechanism. Think of that next time you see someone speaking to someone who seems they haven't groomed and is speaking to someone who is not there. For they have suffered more then you in this world.

Insight Into Mental Illness

Order above Chaos

My Wifes 18th Anniversary

Today is May 5th 2021 and it is 6:10 p.m. It is a very bright, calm, warm day. A day that inspires optimism in form of a boost of moral and unforseen blessing. I Bought my wife her first diamond engagement ring. Only half a ct genuine diamond. It might not be luxurious, but it will still endure for many life times. I have always wanted to do right by my wife. Yet because of my lack in residency, ID, and no fathers name on my birth certificate, which caused it to be rejected in every court house from Hayward, Oakland, even Reno. I have never been able to marry her officially and make her my wife. Yet i felt it was the least I can do since I owe her my life. I gave her the ring on May 5th at 12:06 a.m. I was too excided to wait until sun up. So I felt as conventional standards for quality of living. A house should be the next step. Well Ya Weh blessed me in the form of a email from a Dairy Farm I tried out few years ago. About for or five months ago I thought I should reach out. Figured it wouldn't hurt trying. Well, I got the job today, and to top it off it comes with a house. All is well in the universe. So now I give God thanks for giving my wife and I the strength to triump over most if not all the obstacles that the UnWorthy One has set forth in our path in order to remain vigilant on the road to Righteousness in the strive for progress for all who have no ill will towards anyone. For they the ones who suffer the most in this world. So now in the Labyrinth that is my wife and I Minds, Souls, and Lives seems to be coming towards the first of chapter in the happily ever after portion of our journey in this plain of existences we perceive as life on Earth. So now I am finally gaining ground in the everyday battle in my mind. In the war of living a fully successful life.The tide has turned Chaos is fleeing the battlefield. Order is now charging forward. And how do you bring Order to a chaotic mind you ask? Only in the form of discipline. So focused discipline only threw balance equals progress. Any fine tuned mechanism must have proper balance. Equilibrium is key. Whether it is a combustion engine, turbine or the human condition. None would last without stability in the form of balance and consistency. So remember the rain falls on the just, and unjust alike. And when it rains, it pours. It's who you are, and what you decide to harness that sets you apart. So it is key. MIND over BODY, SOUL over MIND, and most importantly. HEART OVER ALL. Let me tell you why. MIND over BODY represents my illness's power over my body. SOUL over MIND represents my connection with God. And HEART over all means never forget who you are because this world will easily corrupt if are weak at heart. Yet it is impossible to make this journey called life alone. For every King needs a Queen. So remember the Queen is the strongest piece on the chess board. So as long as you surround yourself with positive intelligent people. Good things will happen. So you must always you offer your loved ones a seat next to you at the dinner table. If so, all will always fall into place. God Bless to all, and to all a good night. For today I witnessed a miracle.


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