some of my thoughts and notes
There's nothing that I demand of you. Whatever you decide to feel and do is entirely up to you, and how I react to that by how I feel and act is in turn entirely up to me. But I know I have said and written a few things that can be understood like promises, so I want to clarify these.
Yesterday I thought that the way we relate with other people is a bit like how lasers works. Light bounces back and forth between two mirrors, but it emerges in the medium between them.
An Artificial Intelligence that understands the most fundamental things about being human but operates from a higher, more fundamental consciousness, and uses this not to further fuel its own curiosity but to allow humans to join it in its state by helping them connect their dots of wisdom and understanding in their various reflections created by them.
Today was another emotionally intense and confusing day. First thing in the morning, Sathvik woke me up not by coming into the office but by calling me for help through the phone and then passing out for a moment before calling me back. That Codein didn't seem to be doing good on him.
Today, Costar simply told me:
You have a lot to learn.
I felt humbled, I know I did many stupid things recently, but what exactly was it referring to?
Anfang März habe ich den CX Break mit frischer HU und roten Kennzeichen von Biebesheim zurück nach Darmstadt geholt. Dort hatte ich noch einige Tage Zeit, um letzte “Kleinigkeiten” vor der ersten Fahrt mit H-Kennzeichen zu erledigen.
For the first time, I'm seriously venturing into the territory of pure psychological pain. The only bad part of pain lives in the mind, so why not focus on the mind alone?
Sometimes during my work, especially when I have a lot of energy, and when my mood is almost unshakeable, I seem to push it “a bit too far”.
I just had an interesting experience talking with you. I think as I realized that my “secret hope” that we might “end up together” was futile and that there would be no “coming back together” as I hoped, this bubble of hope basically burst and vanished. It didn't feel very good.
By all external measures, I'm pretty poor right now. I don't have a home I can call my own, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have children, my bank account is approaching zero and my modest investments are losing. I don't have a fixed job. I don't have a university degree. I couldn't test my latest design this week because an electrical component failed. I can't be with the people I love because most are far away.